Looking Forward, Looking Back
It’s been a good Christmas Day. That’s the first time I’ve been able to say that and mean it in about ten years. Up until now, I’ve spent so much time worrying about what we didn’t have that there was no enjoyment in the day at all. It was just another day of stress designed to remind me that I wasn’t as successful with my life as I wanted to be. I also realize now that I’ve always compared these Christmases to the ones we had when I was a child… when I didn’t have any responsibilities except to enjoy the day. And when I wasn’t doing that I was busy telling myself that next year things would be better. Not once in the last ten years did I just sit down and enjoy the day as it was for what it was. Until today.
There’s definitely something to this whole living in the moment thing. Having experienced it once, it’s a feeling I want more of in the coming year.
But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a need for looking forward, or looking back to some extent. Accepting each minute as it the gift that it is creates an amazing feeling of peace in the moment. But the historian in me still wants to remember and look at the past and dissect it to know what I can do better in the next moment. And the optimist in me still wants to look forward and plan for tomorrow so that all my future moments can be as amazing as this one.
The trick for me is going to be in finding a balance between remembering, planning, and doing. And remembering to enjoy it as it happens, not file it away under the “I’ll think about it tomorrow” category.
For today, I’ll enjoy the feeling of peace and accept this gift for what it was. Stress-free, worry-free days don’t come often enough for me. My path isn’t that smooth just yet. But I’m getting there, and for that I’m very thankful.
