It’s been one of those days where nothing has really gone according to plan. And that got me thinking about obstacles and how we react to them.

I often get the sense that when someone decides to embark on a path to personal growth, they think it’s going to be a walk in the park. You know the kind I mean … all nicely laid out paths, clear and obstacle free. No trees to climb over or rocks to scramble around. Granted, if you can maintain a “walk in the park” attitude while you’re ripping your life apart and remaking it, more power to ya! You are definitely more mentally strong than I am.

For myself, (and I suspect for a lot of people) the process of growing and changing comes with more trials and obstacles than we bargained for. The cool thing I’ve found, though, is that it’s in dealing with these obstacles that you experience the most growth. And how you deal with them really does go a long way to determining how successful you will be in making the changes that you want to make.

Obstacle number one to be dealt with is usually your own mind. The imagination can be a powerful thing when it comes to change. Your mind can either be your worst enemy or your best friend. Allowing the negative side to dominate and fill your conscious mind with thoughts of doubt and failure will have you creating obstacles and reasons to fail.

Along with the negative voices in your own mind, the negative voices of other people around you are also an obstacle to your success on the personal growth trail. The lack of support from friends and family members who are supposed to be supporting you in your dreams and goals can be a real downer. And ditching them is often easier said than done.

Another thing that needs to be ditched is the attachment to past failures. Negative events and memories from your past can become insurmountable obstacles to your future success if you let them. Learning to let go will be a great adventure in growth, but it is so worth it to release all that baggage and really let yourself be free.

So just how do you overcome these obstacles? And yes, they can all be overcome. That’s half the journey!

There are so many ways to get past these, and what works for me may not work for you. You can read books, listen to tapes, to to seminars, and try all the do-it-yourself personal development methods out there. You can also hire a life coach, or go to a therapist if that way suits you better.

Whatever tools you decide to use to overcome your obstacles, the first two steps I would suggest you take are to learn to develop a positive mindset for yourself, and to surround yourself with supportive people who share your goals and aspirations. Visualizing your own success will go a long way to making it a reality, and having a support network around you will give you the kick in the butt you’ll need to stay motivated when the going gets a little rough.

What do you do to help get you past the obstacles in your personal growth?

So, it’s time for changes again. And yeah, I’m probably starting to sound like a broken record on this but I am so determined to have a better 2009 and to make some serious changes in my own life.

One of the reasons that I’ve never had a lot of success in making changes stick is the way I prepared for them. I was always in the new year’s resolution mindset of I’ll try this, start on New Year’s Day, and if it works fine, and if not there’s always next year. This year I already have a written plan, and goals set out for both the personal and business sides of my life. And I’m not waiting until Thursday to start.

Tomorrow we’ll be starting a major purge and declutter session here. One of my main goals for 2009 is to complete a cross-country move. And there’s no way I’m carting everything I’ve got hoarded up here 2000 miles. We went to Home Depot yesterday and grabbed some big plastic packing bins to put the stuff in that we’ll take with us, but that isn’t absolutely necessary for living right now. We’re stocked up on recycling bags and trash bags for the stuff that’s getting thrown out, and I’ve got boxes here to store stuff in that’s going up on E-bay over the next few days. I’m prepared for change this year, and prepared to take action to make sure it all happens.

Once our cleaning and decluttering is done, all the desks are getting rearranged. My big 3-sided office station is getting broken down into two parts. One for my son’s room, and one for mine. I find trying to write out here with the tv and other distractions really hard to do. I’ve wanted a desk in my bedroom for the actual pen and paper portion of my writing process for ages, and am finally going to have it by the end of this week. Another of my goals is this year is to write a novel, and by moving these desks around I’ll have a place to write where I can actually go and shut the door.

I’m really excited by the prospect of a new year and a new life… Bet ya couldn’t tell, could ya?

What about you? Are you making any changes in the new year, and are you prepared for them?

A few years ago I was at a party on New Year’s Eve. The conversation turned to new year’s resolutions and what changes we were all going to make come midnight. There were the usual vows to quit smoking, lose weight, and save money. What sticks out most about this particular party for me was that at the stroke of midnight, those who said they would quit smoking (myself included) all got up and tossed our cigarette packs in the trash.

It’s probably pretty telling that not one of us tossed our lighter out with the smokes. Before the end of the night a couple of the group were begging smokes from other party goers. I lasted until dinner at the in-laws the next day and I stopped at bought a pack on the way over because I just knew I wouldn’t make it through the afternoon without one. The longest anyone lasted was about a week and by the end of the first week in January we were all back to smoking.

Flash forward a few years…

It’s the middle of summer and I’m sitting in the emergency room hooked up to the oxygen machine after what I thought was a second heart attack. (No, I didn’t quit smoking after the first one but that’s a story for another day.) On the way out the door after being released, I chucked my smokes in the garbage. That was a little over three years ago, and I haven’t had one since.

What’s the difference? Both decisions were the same — quit smoking cold turkey. Both actions I took were the same — chuck the smokes in the trash. So why was one action successful and the other doomed to failure from the start?

The difference, I’ve learned, is all in your mindset. The new year’s resolution, made in the heat of the moment was done with no sense of commitment, and if I’m honest with myself, no real intention of following through. I wasn’t ready to quit smoking, I knew it, and so I didn’t.

After my visit to the hospital I was ready to quit. I wasn’t making a decision based on what anyone else was doing. I was making a change to my life that would allow me to live longer and more healthfully. Alone in a hostile environment (I really dislike hospitals), my mindset was totally different than it had been on New Year’s Eve among friends.

The point to this is that most new year’s resolutions are doomed to failure from the minute we label them as such. The mindset attached to them is one of short term change. We make resolutions every year, so it’s no biggie if we don’t succeed. We’ll just resolve to do better the next year. At least we tried, right? This type of decision making in what amounts to a spur-of-the-moment manner really doesn’t bode well for making a successful change.

That’s not to say that making changes to better your life is a bad thing. It’s a great thing to want to change what you know isn’t working. Myself and hundreds of other personal development bloggers, authors, and speakers are only too happy to tell you how great it is, and how we love that you’re doing this.

But what you need to ensure your long term success is a plan and a system. By having a clear outcome in mind, and a way to keep yourself on track while you’re making changes, you will stand a much better chance at succeeding. It all starts with your mindset though, and the answer to the question — Am I making a new year’s resolution or a lifestyle change?

While I was writing up my goals for the upcoming year, I came to the realization that my vision for the future is somewhat cloudy, especially where it relates to my business aspirations. Doing that exercise was a real eye-opener for me because while I know what I want in every other area of my life, I really don’t have a clue what success in business looks like for me other than it involves a lot of writing (interspersed with lots of time off for golfing, of course).

Finding that vision of success is really important for me. I can’t really know how to plan for achieving success without having at least some idea of what it looks like. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, there’s a whole personal development industry out there that’s only too happy to tell me what they think my success should look like. And while I’m very thankful for their words of wisdom and their willingness to share their ideas with me, in the end it all comes down to one thing… the only person who can define my success is me. And the only person who can define your success is you.

That’s not to say I’m not above borrowing the words of the experts to help me figure it all out. I keep a whole folder full of quotations just for that express purpose. Here are a few of my favorite “success is” quotes.

Success is loving life and daring to live it — Maya Angelou

Success is doing what yo ulove, loving what you do, and helping others to learn how to do the same. — Bob Burg

Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. — Winston Churchill

Success is a toll road … pay now or pay later. — Steve Siebold

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. — Arthur Ashe

Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are. — Jim Rohn

Success is creating a state of mind that allows you to obtain whatever it is you really want. — Mark Victor Hansen

Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. — T. S. Eliot

Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction. — Al Bernstein

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. — William Feather

What does your success look like?

Making a New Start on the Path to Personal Growth

It sounds cliché, but the path to personal growth really does begin with a single step. What many people don’t realize is that the first step isn’t an actual physical step. It’s the mental preparation that you do before you start a new personal development journey that determines how successful you are in making the changes you desire.

Having an optimistic mindset means letting go of any baggage from your past that could be holding you back. I realize that it’s hard to let go of some things — heck, even I’m still hanging on to things from the past that would be better put to rest — but the whole purpose of this journey you’re about to embark on is to grow. And it’s harsh to say, but some things really are better off left in the dust as you move forward.

With that being said, I want to give you three tips today that you can put to use on your path.

1. Be kind to yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes, but only a fool lets those mistakes stop him/her from trying again. Don’t be afraid to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. (Yes, I swiped that line from the old song ‘Pick Yourself Up’.) Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up over what went wrong. Be kind and encouraging to yourself as you make a fresh start.

2. Retool your plan.

No matter how hard we try for the perfect plan, it just ain’t gonna happen. Life gets in the way and sometimes the goals we set for ourselves just aren’t reasonable. Many a plan has failed because its creator over-estimated what they could accomplish at the time. Don’t be afraid to sim;plify to get your desired results. Try setting three goals instead of thirty, and you’ll find it’s easier to achieve them because it’s easier to focus on them. When you complete one, add another to the list and before you know it, all thirty of the goals on your original list will be met and you’ll be creating another new set things to accomplish.

3. Take Action Now!

It’s important to get moving once you make the decision to move. The last thing you want to do is procrastinate at taking the first step. The more you wait and watch the days go by, the harder it gets to start and the more depressed you begin to feel. Don’t worry if your first few actions don’t work quite the way you intended. You’ll know before long if you’ve made a totally wrong move. And if that happens, you simply start over at step one — that would be dusting yourself off, in case you forgot already — and repeat the process. After all, your plans aren’t set in stone — or at least they shouldn’t be — and you might just have stumbled upon an awesome opportunity that you never would have if you hadn’t taken action.

So there you have it, an easy three step plan for starting down the path to personal growth. I look forward to sharing a few steps with you and hearing about your journey. (Hint: that means don’t be shy — leave a comment!)