I was out shopping today and it really hit me how unhappy everyone in the store was. No one smiled, and every person that I saw was looking like they’d rather be anywhere else. I, of course, was acting like my usual childlike self smiling at the snow, singing along with the Christmas music, and smiling away. No one smiled back, and when I marvelled at that to my son, he said that Christmas is not a happy time, it’s a stressful time so no one’s happy about it.

It’s probably a sign of how far I’ve grown, but I just don’t get it. Either that or I’m extremely naive, and while I may act like a big kid, I’m pretty sure I’ve been around the block enough times to know what’s what. And I still don’t get it… How can you not be happy when everything’s covered in a fresh blanket of white, you’re out with your family, and you’ve got money to spend or at least enough of a balance on the ol’ plastic to give your kids a Christmas?

That trip really got me thinking about what it takes to be happy, and how do we go about finding happiness in our lives.

I think that too many people have forgotten that happiness has to come from within. It’s not about how much money we have or how many cars are in the driveway or whether you’ve got a 42 inch plasma screen on the wall. Sure those things are nice to have, but they can’t make you happy in and of themselves.

I read something the other day, and for the life of me I can’t remember where, but it was that maybe we should be searching for inner peace and a sense of contentment with life as it is now, instead of that all-to-elusive happiness. And that really resonated with me. (If anyone knows who wrote this, please leave a note in the comments with a link. I know it was on a blog but I can’t remember whose it was and I’m really sorry for that.)

So how do we find that sense of contentment?

Well, we can always start with decluttering. Give away the crap that we’ve bought to make us happy, that really doesn’t even come close. Or sell it on ebay and pay down the balance on the plastic with the extra cash.

Another thing that can make us happy is doing something nice for someone else. But think hard before you do a random act of kindness for a stranger. Gretchen over at The Happiness Project has a really good post on why you shouldn’t be doing random acts of kindness, and it’s generating a lot of discussion.

Finally, you can, and should, find something to do that you love and can totally throw your energy into. And if you need more ideas, Marelisa at the Abundance Blog has a great post on tips for being joyously happy.

Oh, one more thing… Go ahead and smile! Your face won’t break, and you might actually like it.

Your comments and feedback make me happy. Please leave one and tell me what makes you happy. Go on… I dare ya

For me, one of the first steps I had to take in experiencing positive personal growth was to improve my self esteem. It’s something that I still have to work on every single day. I’m very thankful for the tips and advice I’ve received along the way to get me to the point where I feel good enough about myself to actually post the articles I write. (You should see my filing cabinet … it’s filled with articles and ideas for things I wrote and never had the self-confidence to do anything with at the time.)

Here are just a few of the tips that have helped me get to where I am today…

1. Don’t worry about what other people think of you. This was my biggie, and still is something I have to work on every single day. Chances are the people you are worrying about aren’t even thinking about you. And it’s such an energy drain to worry about something that’s out of your control.

2. Learn to like yourself. Another big one I had to really learn how to deal with. When you have low self-esteem, it’s a common occurrence to beat yourself up every single day. More than once a day if you’re anything like I was. This is another big energy drain that you want to get rid of as soon as you possibly can.

3. Practice positive thinking. If you’re used to feeling bad about yourself, that cloak of miserableness is really easy for everyone else to see. You will push away the very people you want to be around because your negative attitude will begin to affect them too. It takes some conscious effort to practice positive thinking at first, but believe me… once you get started it’s so much easier to be positive about things, and you’ll be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself.

4. Stop being a perfectionist. Waaaaay easier said than done! But you don’t have to be perfect… you just have to be you! Let me repeat that with emphasis… You Just Have To Be YOU! I spent years of my life trying to be someone I wasn’t and trying to live up to other people’s visions of what they thought I should be. When I stopped, it was amazing how much my self esteem improved because the only person I really had to worry about making feel good was myself.

5. Play nice with others. Just because I said you only have to worry about making yourself feel good that doesn’t mean you can be mean to everyone else. Think about that universal law that says what goes around comes around, you get what you give; like attracts like… there are a thousand ways to say it, and everyone of them means the same thing. Be as nice to others as you would like them to be to you. You don’t want people to insult you or put you down, so don’t do it to them. And remember my mama’s favorite saying… If you can’t say nuthin’ nice, then keep your dang mouth shut!

Raising your self-esteem can be done, if you’re willing to do the work. I won’t lie and tell you it’s easy because it sure wasn’t for me. But I’m living proof it can be done, and I hope these tips help you to get to where you want to be too.

As always comments and feedback are welcome.

While I was writing up my goals for the upcoming year, I came to the realization that my vision for the future is somewhat cloudy, especially where it relates to my business aspirations. Doing that exercise was a real eye-opener for me because while I know what I want in every other area of my life, I really don’t have a clue what success in business looks like for me other than it involves a lot of writing (interspersed with lots of time off for golfing, of course).

Finding that vision of success is really important for me. I can’t really know how to plan for achieving success without having at least some idea of what it looks like. Fortunately, or maybe not so fortunately, there’s a whole personal development industry out there that’s only too happy to tell me what they think my success should look like. And while I’m very thankful for their words of wisdom and their willingness to share their ideas with me, in the end it all comes down to one thing… the only person who can define my success is me. And the only person who can define your success is you.

That’s not to say I’m not above borrowing the words of the experts to help me figure it all out. I keep a whole folder full of quotations just for that express purpose. Here are a few of my favorite “success is” quotes.

Success is loving life and daring to live it — Maya Angelou

Success is doing what yo ulove, loving what you do, and helping others to learn how to do the same. — Bob Burg

Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. — Winston Churchill

Success is a toll road … pay now or pay later. — Steve Siebold

Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome. — Arthur Ashe

Success is not so much what we have as it is what we are. — Jim Rohn

Success is creating a state of mind that allows you to obtain whatever it is you really want. — Mark Victor Hansen

Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. — T. S. Eliot

Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction. — Al Bernstein

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. — William Feather

What does your success look like?