A few years ago I was at a party on New Year’s Eve. The conversation turned to new year’s resolutions and what changes we were all going to make come midnight. There were the usual vows to quit smoking, lose weight, and save money. What sticks out most about this particular party for me was that at the stroke of midnight, those who said they would quit smoking (myself included) all got up and tossed our cigarette packs in the trash.
It’s probably pretty telling that not one of us tossed our lighter out with the smokes. Before the end of the night a couple of the group were begging smokes from other party goers. I lasted until dinner at the in-laws the next day and I stopped at bought a pack on the way over because I just knew I wouldn’t make it through the afternoon without one. The longest anyone lasted was about a week and by the end of the first week in January we were all back to smoking.
Flash forward a few years…
It’s the middle of summer and I’m sitting in the emergency room hooked up to the oxygen machine after what I thought was a second heart attack. (No, I didn’t quit smoking after the first one but that’s a story for another day.) On the way out the door after being released, I chucked my smokes in the garbage. That was a little over three years ago, and I haven’t had one since.
What’s the difference? Both decisions were the same — quit smoking cold turkey. Both actions I took were the same — chuck the smokes in the trash. So why was one action successful and the other doomed to failure from the start?
The difference, I’ve learned, is all in your mindset. The new year’s resolution, made in the heat of the moment was done with no sense of commitment, and if I’m honest with myself, no real intention of following through. I wasn’t ready to quit smoking, I knew it, and so I didn’t.
After my visit to the hospital I was ready to quit. I wasn’t making a decision based on what anyone else was doing. I was making a change to my life that would allow me to live longer and more healthfully. Alone in a hostile environment (I really dislike hospitals), my mindset was totally different than it had been on New Year’s Eve among friends.
The point to this is that most new year’s resolutions are doomed to failure from the minute we label them as such. The mindset attached to them is one of short term change. We make resolutions every year, so it’s no biggie if we don’t succeed. We’ll just resolve to do better the next year. At least we tried, right? This type of decision making in what amounts to a spur-of-the-moment manner really doesn’t bode well for making a successful change.
That’s not to say that making changes to better your life is a bad thing. It’s a great thing to want to change what you know isn’t working. Myself and hundreds of other personal development bloggers, authors, and speakers are only too happy to tell you how great it is, and how we love that you’re doing this.
But what you need to ensure your long term success is a plan and a system. By having a clear outcome in mind, and a way to keep yourself on track while you’re making changes, you will stand a much better chance at succeeding. It all starts with your mindset though, and the answer to the question — Am I making a new year’s resolution or a lifestyle change?
