One of the most common setbacks on the path to personal growth is dealing with a fear of the unknown. Growth means that some change is inevitable, and if you’re afraid of not knowing what the changes will bring, it’s really easy to allow yourself to stay stuck. Part of what we need to learn, then, in order to advance our own personal growth is how to conquer this fear.

One of the first steps in conquering fear is to understand exactly what it is, and the effect it has on us. While fear can be defined in many ways, the most straightforward explanation is that it is an emotional reaction to impending danger or unfamiliar situations. We experience this reaction on both psychological and physical levels at the same time. For example, you might feel anxious, overwhelmed, or even terrified at the same time your heart is pounding and you have a hard time catching your breath. If you’re anything like me, your stomach gets all tangled up in knots, and you start feeling cold and clammy as well.

A lot of the fear that we experience as adults can have its roots in childhood experiences. Mental and physical abuse, or unrealistic expectations put on us as children can cause us to develop fears that stick with us through adulthood. Unless we can overcome them, they can — and will — have a significant impact on our lives, especially when it comes to self confidence and the ability to live up to our full potential.

So just how to we overcome our fear change and the unknown that it brings?

One strategy you can use to help overcome fear is to learn to recognized when you are feeling fearful. When you know that what you are experiencing is fear, you are more apt to try and discover what’s causing it. You may need to take a close look at your life experiences in order to find the underlying cause, and that can be a pretty terrifying process on its own.

You really do need to figure out what causes you to feel fearful though, because once you’ve accepted your fear and you know what causes it, you’re ready for the grand finale — facing your fear.

What’s that saying… feel the fear and do it anyways… or something along those lines?

Push yourself outside your comfort zone, and confront your fear head-on. You can stretch your boundaries a little at a time. You don’t have to conquer your fears all in one go. But by taking the steps to overcome your fear of the unknown, you will open yourself up to new experiences and feelings with a sense of freedom you would never otherwise have.

Photo Credit: sxc.hu

It’s been one of those days where nothing has really gone according to plan. And that got me thinking about obstacles and how we react to them.

I often get the sense that when someone decides to embark on a path to personal growth, they think it’s going to be a walk in the park. You know the kind I mean … all nicely laid out paths, clear and obstacle free. No trees to climb over or rocks to scramble around. Granted, if you can maintain a “walk in the park” attitude while you’re ripping your life apart and remaking it, more power to ya! You are definitely more mentally strong than I am.

For myself, (and I suspect for a lot of people) the process of growing and changing comes with more trials and obstacles than we bargained for. The cool thing I’ve found, though, is that it’s in dealing with these obstacles that you experience the most growth. And how you deal with them really does go a long way to determining how successful you will be in making the changes that you want to make.

Obstacle number one to be dealt with is usually your own mind. The imagination can be a powerful thing when it comes to change. Your mind can either be your worst enemy or your best friend. Allowing the negative side to dominate and fill your conscious mind with thoughts of doubt and failure will have you creating obstacles and reasons to fail.

Along with the negative voices in your own mind, the negative voices of other people around you are also an obstacle to your success on the personal growth trail. The lack of support from friends and family members who are supposed to be supporting you in your dreams and goals can be a real downer. And ditching them is often easier said than done.

Another thing that needs to be ditched is the attachment to past failures. Negative events and memories from your past can become insurmountable obstacles to your future success if you let them. Learning to let go will be a great adventure in growth, but it is so worth it to release all that baggage and really let yourself be free.

So just how do you overcome these obstacles? And yes, they can all be overcome. That’s half the journey!

There are so many ways to get past these, and what works for me may not work for you. You can read books, listen to tapes, to to seminars, and try all the do-it-yourself personal development methods out there. You can also hire a life coach, or go to a therapist if that way suits you better.

Whatever tools you decide to use to overcome your obstacles, the first two steps I would suggest you take are to learn to develop a positive mindset for yourself, and to surround yourself with supportive people who share your goals and aspirations. Visualizing your own success will go a long way to making it a reality, and having a support network around you will give you the kick in the butt you’ll need to stay motivated when the going gets a little rough.

What do you do to help get you past the obstacles in your personal growth?

Yesterday I promised that I’d share my new writing plan with you, and also let you know how you would benefit from it. So here’s the scoop…

One of the ‘light bulb’ moments I had during my weekend cleaning spree was that I need to be writing a whole lot more than what I have been. Research and writing are almost like an addiction for me. If I’m not doing one or the other, I’m just not happy. And I’ve not been doing enough of either in the last month or so.

I’ve been focused too much lately on the negative parts of my life, and it just ain’t working. There’s been too many days where I’ve worried over the bills (and how they’re gettin’ paid); where I should move to, and when I should move; and whether or not I’m even makin’ the right decisions — which usually leads to no decisions being made at all, and even less writing getting done.

So, on Saturday morning, I decided that it was time to quit makin’ everything harder than it has to be, and just get back to the basics of what makes me tick. And what makes me tick (from a workin’ standpoint at least) is researching, reading, writing, and golf (both the playing of and writing about). Since the golf course doesn’t open for another few weeks, there’s lots of time for the rest of the stuff on the list!

What I did was make a brand new plan and change all my goals. Up until now I’ve always had goals that were out of my control. I’d set targets to make X amount of money or get Y amount of subscribers in a certain period of time. And then I’d beat myself up when it didn’t happen, knowing full well that there was no way I could control whether I’d achieve those goals, since they were dependent on other people taking action.

When I finally clued in that the only goals I can realistically achieve are the ones where my actions control the success or failure rate, I rewrote everything in terms of specific, measurable and achievable outcomes. Every goal I have now for the next 90 days depends on me reaching certain numerical targets in terms of quantities of the content I create.

I also realized that for me, as long as I concentrate on the writing, the rest of my life will sort itself out pretty much on its own.

And that’s where you come in…

While I could be perfectly happy writing about topics that interest me (and there’s a lot of them), I’d really much rather spend my time researching and writing the topics that interest you. I’m making it my mission to provide you with the information and resources that you want to ensure your success in your quest for personal growth. And I don’t mean tell me what you want so that I can create products to sell to you (although for the sake of transparency and total honesty here, there might be the odd one because after all, I do have those pesky bills to pay). What I really really want to know is what topics you would like to see me research and write about for you here on this blog. What areas of personal growth can I help you with?

So please, don’t be shy. Leave a comment and let me know what type of content you want to see when you visit here. It’ll be a win-win situation for both of us… You get the information you’re looking for, and I get to spend my time writing something that you can use.

Spring is a great time for growth and new beginnings.

(How original, right?)

Okay, so it’s not a very original way to plunge back into the stream of daily blogging… but it’s true. Spring is a time for growth, and you can feel it in the air. It fairly shimmers with energy, the sun is a little warmer, the days a little brighter, and there’s a sense of optimism and hope that you don’t notice so much during the winter. I was out walking along the river on Friday and people smiled a little more, and were a little quicker to say hello than they were during the winter months.

The optimism and hope that come with spring also bring with them a chance for new beginnings. Just like the plants and trees grow new leaves and flowers in the spring, we can use this time to create new growth and change for ourselves.

Spring cleaning is a perfect example of that. In a physical sense it’s all about clearing out the old to make room for the new. And if you’re anything like me, most years spring cleaning is nothing more than a chore to be gotten through as quickly as possible.

But spring cleaning this year is taking on a whole new meaning for me as I find ways to use it to help me clear my mind and focus on the next steps in my own personal growth.

Here’s what I mean…

If you really focus on the task, on what you’ve collected, and what you’re getting rid of, and WHY, you’ll be amazed at how much mental clutter you clear along with the physical junk. I did this on the weekend, and the energy shift in my apartment was so noticeable that I was actually sick for two days.

Out of about eight boxes of stored up papers, books, and other stuff I tossed everything but a dozen antique cookbooks (I’ve got plans for these), a few old books that belonged to my dad, and some photos and writings from my university days. With each piece of the past that went into the recycling bin, my vision of what I want my future to look like became just a little more clear.

Over the course of my weekend cleaning spree, I opened up enough mental room to set some clear goals for the next three months, as well as to map out a writing plan that will enable me to achieve them. You’ll be the beneficiary of that plan, and I”ll tell you more about it tomorrow.

First, a bit of an intro…

I started this post a week ago, but it obviously wasn’t the time to share it because the words just wouldn’t flow. That happens sometimes when I’m too emotionally invested in the content that I’m trying to produce, or when I’m trying to write something that would really make me look like a fool. (Much thanks to @denyseduhaime for pointing that one out.) So after letting it percolate for a few days here’s the revised version sans emotion and the bits that would make me look silly. Please do leave me a comment after you’ve read it. I’d really appreciate the feedback.

As you no doubt know (and are probably sick of hearing) if you’ve been hangin’ out here for any length of time, one of my major goals this year is to come out of my self-inflicted hibernation of the past several years and learn how to live again. I’m on a quest to find myself, to stretch beyond my boundaries, and truly let myself be myself.

I’d tried before this year, but never had much luck really coming out of my shell. I blamed it all on the fact that I’m a walking poster for introverts, and a few other things but never did I really admit that I had made a choice to shut myself off from the world. The walls started coming down a bit when I attended Ross Goldberg’s virtual seminar just before Christmas. That’s when I rediscovered Twitter as a tool for communicating. Prior to that I’d used it a bit for talking with friends, but never got into using it for meeting new people or talking about anything really important.

Here’s the thing… Ever since I started hangin’ out with Shileen Nixon and the Wonder Woman Challenge gang, I’ve been spending a lot more time on Twitter. I’m slowly becoming more confident in my ability to talk to people and to jump into a conversation here and there instead of being the traditional wallflower that I’ve always been. It’s all part of reaching my goal of figuring out who I am at this stage of my life and just where this fork in the road is gonna take me.

The self-improvement experts say that if you want to improve upon your self, then you should surround yourself with people who can do whatever it is that you want to do better than you can do it. (Say that one ten times fast!) I never quite figured out how to do that because I’m normally way too shy to talk to people. However, it occurred to me that for the past few weeks I have been doing exactly that — mostly without even trying. And I have to say that although I’m standin’ so far out of my comfort zone right now that I’m literally shakin’ in my boots, I’m also having a great time doing it.

I have met so many awesome people on Twitter in the last few weeks and every single one has helped me to move a little further away from the wall. It really hit me one morning as I was reading tweets and feeling all the amazing energy flowing around and through me, just how far out of my comfort zone I’ve come in the last month. There are moments when the energy is high and I feel really confident in communicating with people, and then there are moments of total panic where I feel so freakin’ inadequate and just want to crawl into a cave and hide for a few days. Those days are becoming more rare, however, as the wonderful friends I’ve made on Twitter just won’t let me hide any longer. When I really feel like going back into hibernation they commiserate, encourage, and challenge me to take one more step into the the unknown beyond my comfort zone. And I am so very thankful for them for doing it.

Anyways, the point I’m tryin’ to make here is that the Twitter community is amazing, and that using Twitter as a tool in your personal growth journey is one of the best things you can do. There are so many wonderful people out there, and if you open yourself up and allow them to find you, then the people who are supposed to be in your life at any given minute will surely find a way to be there. The amazing new connections I have made have helped me to move beyond my comfort zone and get ready to take the next step — to stop staring at the closed doors and start wondering just what lies beyond the new doors that are opening for me.

If you need proof, three months ago I would never have been able to write a post like the one I did last night. I may have thought it, but actually expressing feelings of love and gratitude out loud would have sent me racing for the nearest cave.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and reading over the last few weeks, and have come to the conclusion that a lot of personal development work comes down to pure common sense. Even the Law of Attraction at its most elemental – you get what you think about – is pretty straightforward.

For whatever reason, human nature seems to always want to make things a lot harder than they have to be.

So in the interests of simplifying things just a little bit, here are my favorite four common sense rules to live by.

1. Keep your word.

2. Treat other people the way you want to be treated.

3. Don’t procrastinate.

4. Make a plan and follow it.

I’m sure I could, and probably will, write more in depth articles on all of these at some point. But for tonight, brevity rules!

What’s your favorite life rule (in 10 words or less)?

For me, one of the first steps I had to take in experiencing positive personal growth was to improve my self esteem. It’s something that I still have to work on every single day. I’m very thankful for the tips and advice I’ve received along the way to get me to the point where I feel good enough about myself to actually post the articles I write. (You should see my filing cabinet … it’s filled with articles and ideas for things I wrote and never had the self-confidence to do anything with at the time.)

Here are just a few of the tips that have helped me get to where I am today…

1. Don’t worry about what other people think of you. This was my biggie, and still is something I have to work on every single day. Chances are the people you are worrying about aren’t even thinking about you. And it’s such an energy drain to worry about something that’s out of your control.

2. Learn to like yourself. Another big one I had to really learn how to deal with. When you have low self-esteem, it’s a common occurrence to beat yourself up every single day. More than once a day if you’re anything like I was. This is another big energy drain that you want to get rid of as soon as you possibly can.

3. Practice positive thinking. If you’re used to feeling bad about yourself, that cloak of miserableness is really easy for everyone else to see. You will push away the very people you want to be around because your negative attitude will begin to affect them too. It takes some conscious effort to practice positive thinking at first, but believe me… once you get started it’s so much easier to be positive about things, and you’ll be surprised at how much better you feel about yourself.

4. Stop being a perfectionist. Waaaaay easier said than done! But you don’t have to be perfect… you just have to be you! Let me repeat that with emphasis… You Just Have To Be YOU! I spent years of my life trying to be someone I wasn’t and trying to live up to other people’s visions of what they thought I should be. When I stopped, it was amazing how much my self esteem improved because the only person I really had to worry about making feel good was myself.

5. Play nice with others. Just because I said you only have to worry about making yourself feel good that doesn’t mean you can be mean to everyone else. Think about that universal law that says what goes around comes around, you get what you give; like attracts like… there are a thousand ways to say it, and everyone of them means the same thing. Be as nice to others as you would like them to be to you. You don’t want people to insult you or put you down, so don’t do it to them. And remember my mama’s favorite saying… If you can’t say nuthin’ nice, then keep your dang mouth shut!

Raising your self-esteem can be done, if you’re willing to do the work. I won’t lie and tell you it’s easy because it sure wasn’t for me. But I’m living proof it can be done, and I hope these tips help you to get to where you want to be too.

As always comments and feedback are welcome.

Personal balance is something that a lot of people, me included, have a hard time achieving. We often allow ourselves to be pulled in many different directions as we try to balance our own needs with those of the people around us. That’s especially true during the holiday season when there’s always somewhere to be and something that needs to be done.

Here are a few tips that I’ve found helpful in maintaining a sense of balance when things get too hectic.

1. Practice some basic time management skills. Take some time out to really look at your schedule and notice when you’re trying to fit more into your day than is physically possible. Make sure that you are leaving enough time in between appointments that you don’t get caught having to be two places at once. What I find helps is to schedule a fifteen minute buffer zone around each appointment so that if I’m running late I’m covered, and if I’m on time I actually have a few minutes to myself to relax and catch my breath.

2. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. In other words, know your limits and stick to them. I know I’m not really one to talk here because I consistently take on more than I should. But hey, I’m trying to break this habit even as I write this. It’s really important that you take care of yourself by knowing what you can handle at not allowing yourself to be stretched beyond that point.

And that brings me to my final point…

3. Learn how to say no. Don’t allow yourself to get hung up on the idea that people will be mad at you if you don’t jump to do their bidding at the expense of taking care of yourself. Too often we allow ourselves to become “yes” people because we worry about how others see us. If you allow yourself to say no instead of overwhelming yourself by taking care of everyone else’s needs you might just be surprised at the outcome. You’ll feel more self-confident and happier when you’re taking care of yourself. And after they get over their initial upset at you saying no, other people will realize that you’re happier and more relaxed too.

So there you have it. I know it’s sometimes easier said than done, but you are the only one who can find the balance that you need in your life. By keeping these tips in mind and acting on them when necessary, you will find yourself one step closer to having the balanced life you deserve.

Making a New Start on the Path to Personal Growth

It sounds cliché, but the path to personal growth really does begin with a single step. What many people don’t realize is that the first step isn’t an actual physical step. It’s the mental preparation that you do before you start a new personal development journey that determines how successful you are in making the changes you desire.

Having an optimistic mindset means letting go of any baggage from your past that could be holding you back. I realize that it’s hard to let go of some things — heck, even I’m still hanging on to things from the past that would be better put to rest — but the whole purpose of this journey you’re about to embark on is to grow. And it’s harsh to say, but some things really are better off left in the dust as you move forward.

With that being said, I want to give you three tips today that you can put to use on your path.

1. Be kind to yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes, but only a fool lets those mistakes stop him/her from trying again. Don’t be afraid to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. (Yes, I swiped that line from the old song ‘Pick Yourself Up’.) Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up over what went wrong. Be kind and encouraging to yourself as you make a fresh start.

2. Retool your plan.

No matter how hard we try for the perfect plan, it just ain’t gonna happen. Life gets in the way and sometimes the goals we set for ourselves just aren’t reasonable. Many a plan has failed because its creator over-estimated what they could accomplish at the time. Don’t be afraid to sim;plify to get your desired results. Try setting three goals instead of thirty, and you’ll find it’s easier to achieve them because it’s easier to focus on them. When you complete one, add another to the list and before you know it, all thirty of the goals on your original list will be met and you’ll be creating another new set things to accomplish.

3. Take Action Now!

It’s important to get moving once you make the decision to move. The last thing you want to do is procrastinate at taking the first step. The more you wait and watch the days go by, the harder it gets to start and the more depressed you begin to feel. Don’t worry if your first few actions don’t work quite the way you intended. You’ll know before long if you’ve made a totally wrong move. And if that happens, you simply start over at step one — that would be dusting yourself off, in case you forgot already — and repeat the process. After all, your plans aren’t set in stone — or at least they shouldn’t be — and you might just have stumbled upon an awesome opportunity that you never would have if you hadn’t taken action.

So there you have it, an easy three step plan for starting down the path to personal growth. I look forward to sharing a few steps with you and hearing about your journey. (Hint: that means don’t be shy — leave a comment!)